Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Gene Simmons' Family Jewels

Gene Genie

'Family Jewels" is another reality show featuring a washed up rocker and his family. Although Gene Simmons is way more coherent than Ozzy Osbourne, he much less entertaining. Gene wasn't the best looking guy as a young man and time hasn't done him any favors in that department. My advice- keep the makeup on ALL the time!

In case you've forgotten, Gene Simmons used to be in a rock band named KISS that used to make records. The fact that they haven't done anything of note since CDs were invented hasn't stopped them from continuing to capitalize on their past exploits.

Thanks to a juggernaut of a marketing machine, Simmons' addiction to fame and and a refusal to fade out gracefully, KISS has continued to remind us of their unseemly presence.

Like the once believed to be extinct coelacanth fish, KISS should have become a petrified artifact eons ago. They are currently in a tie with The Who for most number of irrelevant reunion tours by a band on life support.

On 'Family Jewels', we get to watch as Gene mugs for the camera, repeats tired sexual innuendos and beats every last shred of notoriety out of the dead carcass of a career he's been dragging around for the last 20 years.

Sorry, Gene. I'll take an unintelligible but loveable Ozzy over a braggadocios, former Rock God turned Ozzie (Nelson) any day.

For pure, white trash revelry, I prefer Dog The Bounty Hunter- now that's a show!

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